Nobody's up except the moon and me, and a lazy old tomcat on a midnight spree.

From Women and Honor: Some Notes on Lying by Adrienne Rich:

"Men have been expected to tell the truth about facts, not about feelings. They have not been expected to talk about feelings at all.

Yet even about facts they have continually lied."

"An honorable human relationship - that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word, "love" - is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.

It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.

It is important to do this because in so doing we do justice to our own complexity.
It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us."

Today I was planning on waking up around 10:00 so that I could do some reading for Politics of the Former Soviet Union before class. However, after banging my alarm clock(s) to silence multiple times, I slept until the latest possible moment before waking up. Therefore, at 11:35 I was scrambling to get dressed for my 11:45 class. Hence, I wore a hat all day.

During class, I was having a difficult time paying attention. My skin felt strange, almost like it was "crawling," for lack of a better and less cliché term. I felt restless, uneasy, and fidgety. I couldn't think. I felt like I had lost motivation.

I knew that I would get over it, but I hate the feeling regardless. The feeling of apathy, of contempt, of disappointment.

I had been planning on either going to campus grounds for lunch, or going alone, as Kindall and I usually went to lunch together on Tuesdays and Thursdays. As I was walking out of class, she called my cell phone, and it was only by sheer chance that I had just stuck my hand into my jacket pocket to look for my keys and felt my phone vibrating. She asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I said that I guessed so.

Things were kind of cold for a while. Tension.

We started talking. After lunch, we went back to her room and talked some more. We talked about everything that had been bothering both of us, and everything that was going to have to take place in order for our relationship to ever work. In short, we actually had a civil discussion where each of us saw the other's side without arguing it or getting defensive. In short, we did exactly what I had suggested we do as an alternative to the break/break-up.

But I am not claiming a victory. Rather, the contrary. Had we not broken up/been on a break, I don't think that this talk would have been possible. So let this be my admission that I was Wrong. Had we still been officially "dating" and tried to have that talk, we both would have been defensive and stubborn. We even talked politics, so something must have been going right.

At any rate, savor that admission, because it doesn't come very often.

On another note, rehearsal tonight went very well. We are getting to the point in any show where three fundamental things are happening:

• Everything is coming together, things are getting cleaned up, and the show is turning into a show
• Some people are getting sick of other people, because the show is stressing them out
• Everyone is starting to actually get to know the rest of the cast, and we're forming a special kind of bond that only happens in theatre. Suffice it to say, we're actually starting to have fun with it.

The cast is amazing, and I'm having an amazing time. This is the first show I've done in a little under 2 years, and oh, how I've missed it.

With that said, it's time to hit the bed.

Adieu.

A.