Friday, February 11, 2005

I don't know what was with me when I woke up.

I might have been dreaming about something. All I know is that I woke up feeling generally uneasy and disappointed. I hope that doesn't set the tone for the day, but so far, so good.

Today, I feel like a high tension electrical wire, and fully charged. I'm not sure what feeling it is, but it feels like a combination of tension, anxiety, and nervousness. I don't usually get ilke this, and it is kind of scary. The feeling surges throughout my body, and I literally can feel it resounding in my chest cavity and moving through my appendages - fingers, toes, head, lips, everything. It's like a tingling, numb feeling. My heart feels like it's beating very fast. I feel like I'm full of electricity. Maybe it's the strong coffee that I drank this morning. Then again, maybe it's a heart attack. In more senses of the word than just the medical condition.

I don't know. I'm just trying to take this as it comes, but it is tough, and I am having trouble. It really does help me though to write everything that I'm feeling here. If I seem redundant, then too bad. Stop reading.

I think I'm in the middle of a full-blown, Kierkegaardian existential crisis, at least to my understanding of it. More to come about this later.

A.

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